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What would Khadijah (RA) do? Representing God on this Planet

Hello, Good Day and Assalaam u Alaikum to you today. I am so happy that you could be here today. You know life is such a beautiful thing. Yet, we go through experiences that may be painful to so many of us. Sometimes choices are made for us and we do not have the resources or the know-how as to how we can step into our power, and have the confidence to make our own decisions.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to voice your opinion and tell others how you were feeling, but you were so afraid. You were afraid to hurt someone. You were afraid of what you were going to say. You were afraid that your opinion did not matter. You were afraid of the repercussions of your words. You were afraid that if you said anything, there were consequences that had to be paid.You felt so hopeless and helpless about your situation that you didn’t think that you had any options.

I want to tell you that you have come to the right place because I have been in that place of fear and hopelessness. I know what you are going through. You have arrived on this site because you belong here. This is a very safe place for you to be. I am sharing myself with you. I am opening up to share with you my pain and my fear because I want you to know my story.

For years, I struggled with my role as a woman. I really didn’t know what was expected from me.

Or rather, I didn’t know what the males in my life expected from me. It seems like the men made the rules-and we just followed. If the men were happy, then we were happy. God forbid that there was not enough salt in the food, or that the children were not fed when they came home from work. That was trouble for me. My moods fluctuated according to who was yelling at me from the superior males and females in my life.

It seems like life was just happening to me. I had no control at all. I was always walking on egg shells. If I told you that I was afraid, that would be an understatement. Fear was my best friend. “Don’t speak out of turn”, said my mother-in-law. Stop being cheecky is what I would hear if I stated an opinion. Reading was absolutely forbidden because “we don’t like smart girls”. I was in a turmoil everyday.

I cried in the shower almost everyday during my marriage because if my husband and his family caught me crying, I was called “ungrateful”. My late father’s words kept me going, “Fatima, they can take everything away from you, except two things, your faith and your knowledge”. I held on to those words like a lifesaver.

Unfortunately, leaving my marriage and going home back to my parents was not an option. My parents (may they be given paradise) were weak. They worried about what people might say if their daughter returned home

It took me about 2 weeks after my lavish wedding of 1500 attendees in South Africa to realize what a big mistake I had made. I had made my bed, now I had to lie in it. I became pregnant immediately after my wedding. The stress of living with such controlling in-laws caused me to have a miscarriage. My mother-in-law said “take the day off, but make sure that you clean the floors thoroughly on your hands and knees. The corners are very dirty.” I was bleeding severely, yet I wouldn’t dare disobey her orders.

Life continued to happen to me. I felt like a victim. I hated my life. I hated my in-laws. I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t have an opinion. I had to pretend I was happy. I was a fraud. I was a fake. My soul was dieing.

Life was miserable.

After my first miscarriage, I became pregnant right away again. My son Omar was born 6 weeks premature. My husband and his family said that they were being generous in giving me 2 weeks off and then returning to work full time. If I didn’t return, the whole business would fall apart. I complied. I was in pain from the episiotomy and my hormones were off balance. I said nothing. I just obeyed. My self esteem was so low. I became so numb that I actually stopped crying. It was a really sad time for me.

In August 1991, I had my second son, Tarik. During delivery, the doctor was in a rush to get to his golf game. I was nine cm dilated. He used forceps and crushed the baby’s skull. My baby was diagnosed with Spastic Cerebral Palsy Quadriplegic.

I had become so numb from all the pain that I had already endured that I didn’t even cry anymore. That diagnosis of my new beautiful baby was a shock to my system. I knew I had a job to do. Empower my child as best as I could. That was a turning point in my life. God giving me special needs child woke me up. It removed me from some of my numbness.

I made a decision during that time, to change my life. No matter how long it took. I wanted a better life for myself and for my children.

The first book I bought was called “The Seven Habits of Successful People”, by Steven Covey. I was a great reader before, but now I got a little fire starting in my belly with my new intention. I would take the boys to the library every week. I would read all the books I could possibly read while I was there. Reading affirmations, and soaking up all this information. I was hungry for all this new information. I knew what I wanted. I just had to find out how I was going to do it.

The First Habit in Steven Covey’s book talks about Circles of Influence. I read that page over and over again. This was crazy. WHAT..!?!? I was shocked. I was angry. How can he have the nerve to say that I was responsible for my actions? I was the victim here!!! I couldn’t believe what he had written on those pages.

It took me years to read and re-read his words in that book. Then, I got it. I finally got it. I was responsible. I was completely responsible for allowing my in-laws, my husband and his entire family to manipulate me and control me. I had 100% complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, my behavior, my reactions, my words.

I started becoming a little more aware everyday of my actions and feelings and thoughts. Slowly, but surely I became more and more present in myself and in my body and in my surroundings.

I started asking myself the question: “What would Khadijah (RA) do?” Khadijah, the first wife of the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH). I wanted to be just like her. Rich, Beautiful, Bold and Independent. Then I would stop, and breathe, and take a minute before making any decisions. Khadijah represented everything I wanted to be and everything I could be.

My life is so different now. Life is happening with me. I am grounded most of the time (the journey continues). When I become overwhelmed, I simply stop and breathe. I ask myself “what would Khadijah do?”. Today, I have become a small piece of Khadijah.

I am happier today than any other time in my life. I am no longer married. I have five awesome children. I am living a life full of joy, happiness and peace.

I want to give you the tools that have helped me in my life. Fill out your name and primary email address in the box above for your FREE copy of my e-zine valued @ $97.00.

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Fill out the “RANT BOX” and tell me what is going on in your life.I want you to pour your heart out.Let me be your complaint department. Tell me what is going on. What makes you happy. What makes you sad. Who is irritating you. What’s going on in your life. What do you absolutely hate about your life. Tell me your goals and dreams. How you want me to help you get to your destination.I want to know.

I care about you. I want to be there for you. I want to hear from you. Your stories. Your Journey. It’s ALL important. Mostly, I want to hear about where you want go go from here. What are your goals and dreams. Let’s do this together. I love helping and coaching women in Toronto and Globally. I was made for this

Can I be your believing eyes?

All My Love,

Fatima Omar Khamissa